Bridesmaid Duties

Bridesmaid duties … real or ceremonial? Have you heard about the Bride who “fired” one of her bridesmaids via email?  The rejected bridesmaid then shared the email on twitter.  I just glanced at a few tweets, and the bride was crucified by other tweeters!  What do you think about it?

I probably am one of the few who was on the side of the bride.  While I would encourage any daughter of mine, or client NOT to “fire” an attendant, fact is, the “Twitter Bridesmaid” wasn’t doing her job. Based on the email to the bridesmaid, which she shared on twitter, (how’s that for a friend? Even though she blacked out the bride’s last name, everyone in their social circle knew who she was), the “fired” bridesmaid did absolutely nothing for the bride in her role as honor attendant.  When asked to be an attendant, the young lady should have thanked the bride prettily, and declined the honor.  If you don’t have the time or the money to be a bridesmaid, gracefully decline.  Because being a wedding attendant is expensive and time consuming.  You are expected to buy your own dress, shoes, gifts, (shower, bachelorette, and wedding), and travel.  (The bride should spring for your housing the night before the wedding and the night of the wedding however).  You should do your best to attend ALL pre-wedding events – but the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, wedding… UNTIL THE END, are non-negotiable.  If you can’t be at those events, you shouldn’t be a bridesmaid. Period.

According to the brief email, the “fired” bridesmaid shared on twitter, it appeared that she attended no pre-wedding events, (I took it to include the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, but could be wrong), and wanted to fly back before the reception was over.  Again, if the bride were my daughter or client, I’d encourage her to suck it up and deal with the lack-luster bridesmaid; but the twitter bride was well within her scope of expectations to “fire” her friend.  As for the email, she probably thought things would be less heated via the written word, and she offered to speak if the bridesmaid desired.

Perhaps “Bridesmaidzillas” are why some brides are opting to have only family members as honor attendants, (as one of my daughters did),  or have no bridesmaids at all. Perhaps that’s why the English use children?  …less temperamental than grown women.  I think Brides today are trying to make it easier on their attendants.  Note the photo above.  The bride from this wedding I did allowed her attendants to wear dresses they felt good in.  The colors were not even expected to be in the same color palate.

Moral…Brides be sensitive to the costs, both monetary and time, to your attendants; and bridesmaids, say “No, but thank you,” if you can’t do the job.

 

Bridesmaids’ Duties

A long time friend recently asked me, “So, Mary, what are the duties of the bridesmaids?”  So for my friend, Cindy, and anyone else who is interested, here is a good sum-up of the bridesmaids’ duties, directly from theknot.com

  • “Offer to help with prewedding tasks. Try to be specific when you volunteer. For example, say, “Would you like me to help you shop for bridesmaids dresses/stuff invitations/pack for the honeymoon?” instead of just, “What can I do?”
  • Scout out bridesmaid dresses, shoes, jewelry, and other wedding accessories. Pay for the entire ensemble. (Break in your shoes before the wedding day — that will minimize slipping, blisters, and aching tootsies.)
  • Help to plan, cohost, and pay for the bridal shower and bachelorette party with other bridesmaids.

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  • If the maid/matron of honor isn’t already handling this task, keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and bridal showers (so that the bride/couple can write thank-you notes); maintain RSVP lists.
  • Attend the ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. (Keep abreast of all prewedding parties, and go to as many as possible.)
  • Run last-minute errands. On the day of the wedding, be on hand to confirm flower delivery times, meet and greet the ceremony officient, or satisfy junk food cravings.
  • Stand in the receiving line at the bride’s request.
  • Serve as auxiliary hostess at the reception by introducing guests, making sure they know where the bar is located, and inviting them to sign the guest book.

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  • Hit the dance floor when the music kicks in. Dance with groomsmen during the formal first-dance sequence. Also, be on the lookout for toe-tapping guests who might need encouragement and/or a dance partner.
  • Give the matron/maid of honor a break by helping to carry the bride’s wedding gown train whenever necessary. Bustle the train before dancing begins, and be ready to help fix it if it comes unhooked. Accompany the bride on visits to the restroom, if asked.
  • Purchase a wedding present perhaps with one or several of the other bridesmaids. This provides more buying power, and two heads are better than one when it comes to wedding gift ideas. Sometimes the entire bridesmaid troupe pitches in for one knock-her-socks-off wedding gift.

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  • Be a trooper, no matter how stressful the ordeal becomes. Try not to complain about the bridesmaid dress — even if the color is horrendous. Be gracious and tactful.
  • Provide plenty of emotional support during the planning and on the wedding day.”

Lots for young ladies to do, and I have three daughters in KK’s bridal party!

Three of my daughters below, at Maggie’s wedding.

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Image #1 www.primadonnabride.co.za

Image #2www.sheinspires.com.au

Image #3 chicvintagebrides.com

Image #4 dressek.com

Image #5 Patty Cloherty Photos